What To Say To Your Kids Instead Of Good Job

We aim to nurture positive behavior in our children and instill in them a growth mindset. Embracing a growth mindset means viewing the world as a vast playground with limitless possibilities.

To initiate this mindset shift in our children, we prioritize praising their efforts over generic phrases like 'good job.' Rather than solely commenting on their appearance with phrases like 'you are so beautiful,' we emphasize acknowledging the hard work they put into tasks. This approach fosters a mindset that values effort and resilience, reinforcing the idea that success is rooted in dedication and continuous learning.

In doing so, we strive to create an environment that promotes a positive outlook on the world, encourages a belief in endless possibilities, and ensures that our children approach life with a growth mindset.

Andrew Huberman did a podcast episode on growth mindset. Feel free to check it out in depth. You can also jump to this timestamp where he talks specifically about children.

What are the takeways on the language we want to use we want to praise our children.

• You really worked hard on that.
• You made a big effort.
• You really applied yourself to the task.
• You kept going and you didn’t give up.

In general we want to use the below model:

Be Specific Instead of general praise, be specific about what you're praising. For example, say, "You worked really hard to stack those blocks!" or "I can see you put a lot of effort into coloring that picture."

Use Positive Language Frame your praise in a positive manner. Instead of saying, "Good job!" you can say, "You did a great job building that tower; I can tell you're really concentrating!"

Encourage Persistence If they are facing a challenge, encourage them to keep trying. Say things like, "It's okay if it's a bit tricky, you're doing a great job. Keep trying, and you'll get it!"

Celebrate Progress Recognize and celebrate small milestones and improvements. This helps toddlers understand that effort leads to progress. For example, say, "You're getting better at putting on your shoes all by yourself. That's fantastic!"

Use Positive Reinforcement Offer positive reinforcement such as high-fives, hugs, or a special word of praise when they make an effort. This reinforces their behavior and motivates them to continue trying.

Avoid Comparisons Refrain from comparing toddlers to others. Instead of saying, "You did better than your friend," focus on their individual efforts. For instance, say, "I love the way you focused on finishing your puzzle."

Encourage Independence Acknowledge and praise them for attempting tasks independently. For instance, if they try to put on their shoes, say, "I love how you're trying to do it by yourself! That's very grown-up."

Be Enthusiastic Show genuine enthusiasm when praising their efforts. Your positive energy can boost their confidence and make them more eager to try new things.

Use Descriptive Language Use descriptive language to highlight specific aspects of their efforts. For example, say, "You really paid attention and used so many colors in your drawing. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it."